Should We Legislate Morals?

Some years ago, a friend and I were talking about our nation’s problems and how they could or should be solved. He was thinking from a political world-view where new laws need to be created for every new situation, and I was thinking from a realistic world-view where multitudinous comprehensive laws had already been created. But Henry, knowing me but not understanding my view-point, blurted out, “You can’t legislate morals.”

Surprised, I asked what he meant. He said, “Outlawing alcohol – you know, prohibition – in the 1920s didn’t work; outlawing gambling didn’t work; and outlawing prostitution, drugs, and other activities isn’t working. Therefore, they should all be legalized so the government can collect taxes on it all. You just can’t legislate morals!”

He said a mouthful in those forty-three words. But is he correct? No! Whether those activities remain illegal or are legalized, they have been legislated.

“Morals” is defined as: relating to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct; the distinction between right and wrong; concerned with the judgment of right or wrong human action and character. Conforming to standards of what is right or just in behavior.

Who or what made the distinction between right and wrong? Let’s look into it.

What about taking a life? Homicide has commonly been called 1st, 2nd, or 3rd degree murder, and it’s against the law in the US to murder someone. What about theft? On the books we have petit larceny, then four degrees of grand larceny: also against the law. What about lying? Perjury is spelled out in the US Code, Title 18, Part 1, Chapter 79, § 1621. You guessed it: illegal.

Let’s see now – “morals” is the distinction between right and wrong. And we just identified three moral activities which we have outlawed by legislation. And you might be interested to know that those three activities are prohibited in the 6th, 8th, and 9th of The 10 Commandments (Exodus 34). Our government does agree with Scripture – sometimes.

Obviously we CAN and DO legislate morals! So the question is: what morals do we choose to legislate? The answer: more than you would believe!

Rev. Ravi Zacharias, who has a radio program titled “Let My People Think”, said the non-Christian world politicizes morality while they moralize politics. He is correct. Many of our politicians seem to agree or disagree with the Bible depending on how many votes they can garner. What baffles me is that sometimes our government – or even a single judge – listens to a very small minority of the population and makes laws that override the desires and morals of the vast majority. What kind of logic is that for a Democracy?

Example: The US Supreme Court just handed down its 5-4 ruling that homosexual marriages are constitutional. (This is only one of many instances where our government has politicized morality.) This ruling puzzles me for three reasons: 1) the ruling has nothing to do with the constitution, 2) most Americans are against same-sex marriages, and 3) according to the constitution, it is the Congress (state and federal) who is supposed to make laws, not the court.

But why is marriage a moral issue? The Bible clearly specifies that human marriage was created by God Himself; therefore God is the only One who has the right to decide how marriage is to be employed. God determined that marriage is between a man and a woman, but our politicians decided that Almighty God is wrong.

We also have a built-in dichotomy in our government. Some well-known government officials can commit crimes and lie about it, and we overlook it; while other well-known officials commit crimes and lie about it, and are prosecuted. The “morality” of the issue seems to depend on what side of the political fence the official is on. They moralize politics.

However if it’s a “hate” crime, THAT is bad! Amazingly, this is a double-legislation of morals.

Friends, we legislate morals all the time. But we have a problem!

We are legislating OUT wholesome, healthy core values and morals, and legislating IN anti-Biblical values and morals which go against our national heritage, and weakens our nation both morally and politically.

Morals – right versus wrong – is a Biblical issue. Galatians 6:7 says, “Don’t be misled. You can’t ignore God and get away with it.” Therefore, if we don’t revert to using Scripture as our legislative standard as we formerly did, we are in trouble.

Visit to the Smokey Mountains

In November of 2014, we drove to Tennessee to visit my 91-year-old Aunt Evelyn, and 95-year-old Uncle Bert for their 70th wedding anniversary. During that trip, we made a trek into a portion of the Smokey Mountains south of Knoxville, and that’s a spectacular part of God’s creation!

“The Smokies”, as they are often called, are a portion of the Appalachian Mountains which runs from Canada to Alabama. In the area of Lenoir, Sevier, Townsend, and Pigeon Forge, we saw beautiful scenery that far surpasses any televised armchair travelogue. (Pigeon Forge has been built up to be a lot like Branson, MO.)

Near Townsend, we took an excursion up the Foothills Parkway. Stopping at a turnoff to gawk at the beauty, we saw a red Toyota with a man inside watching us. As I approached him, he rolled down his window and asked, “How you folks doin?” And we formed a friendship.

His name is DH Tipton. Pointing southeast, he said, “I come up here every week to look at the beauty of God’s nature. See that hill right over there ‘bout a mile off? I was born there 81 years ago. I’m the last from a large family, and by the time I was born my momma ran out of names. So she just called me ‘DH’, and that’s my name: DH Tipton. DH don’t stand for anything. You should’ve seen the looks on the faces of my friends in the Army Corps of Engineers when I told them ‘DH IS my name.’ And yep, I’m a native who was born over there, right near what is now called the Foothills Parkway.”

Quoting from the Blue Ridge Highlander, “The Foothills Parkway West is a 17-mile long section of the Parkway that travels along the backbone of the Chilhowee Mountain between Chilhowee Lake and the town of Townsend in Blount County.  From this vantage point you can view not only the beauty of the Great Smoky Mountain National Park to the southeast, visitors can also enjoy views of the huge and grand valley lands of the Tennessee River Valley bordered by the long plateau of the Cumberland Mountains to the northwest.”

This mountain range is famous for its smoky haze that is actually a perpetual fog. DH said, “Anyone from California, New York, or any densely populated area thinks this haze is air pollution. But it’s not. It’s been here before man arrived. But now that I mentioned it, air pollution has been invading these parts. Visibility has been reduced by smog blowing in from both the Southeast and the Midwest.”

Over 9,000,000 people visit the Smoky Mountains National Park each year, which makes it the most visited park in the country. Clingmans Dome at 6,643 feet, is the highest peak in the Smokies. It’s the highest peak in Tennessee and the third highest in the Appalachian range. However, Mount Le Conte is an impressive sight: although it reaches an altitude of only 6,593 feet, it towers more than a mile over the town of Gatlinburg located at its base. That reminds me of Sandia Crest which towers a mile above Albuquerque, NM.

As we drove through the mountains, we would often “catch a glimpse” of a valley, waterfall, or steep mountainside in its pristine beauty. Schedules are a necessary part of life, but as we drove through this part of God’s creation, we decided to modify the schedule. We wanted to see more.

But time eventually ran out and we continued our trek. We drove to Sevierville and ate at the Applewood Farmhouse Restaurant. This restaurant has a far-reaching reputation, and we found out why: the service and the food are GOOD!

We were continually amazed at the magnificence of God during that trip through the Smokies. I know many folks who think that amoebas, salamanders, fish, dinosaurs, man, the earth, and the entire cosmos just happened to materialize out of some mythical and mysterious big bang. But when we stop and think about it both logically and scientifically, we know it’s impossible for stuff (atoms, molecules, stars, galaxies) to appear out of nothing. And it’s also impossible for rocks to morph into life.

The excellent fish dinner I ate at the Applewood Restaurant didn’t just happen to become a cooked meal and plop onto my plate. It took planning and work. Also, life didn’t just happen to exist: it took planning and work. God did both the planning and work. (The staff at the Applewood Restaurant cooked the fish.)

Visit the Smokies if you can, and check out the Applewood Farmhouse Restaurant in Sevierville, TN. You’ll enjoy the trip and the food.

A Little Humor Goes a Long Way

Fred told me about a negative interaction between him and his wife, Jacquie. The 6-month-old baby threw a temper tantrum so Fred tapped the baby on the thigh with two fingers and firmly let him know that the screaming was not allowed. The baby, still crying, at least stopped screaming. So far – so good.

Jacqie thought her husband was cruel and started scolding him in front of the baby. Fred told her to hush, turned her toward the door, and ordered her out of the room. Bad move!

Jacquie, now in a rage, turned and began pushing Fred. She had shoes on, but he was wearing socks without shoes and the floor was shiny hardwood. Losing traction and beginning to fall, he managed to somehow hop toward the bed. But Jacquie was still pushing and Fred realized that as they fell she might hit her head on the steel bed frame. Fall, they did! But he held onto her and managed to land both of them on the mattress. Good move!

Fred was breathing heavily, grateful that they were both safe. Jacquie was also breathingPICT0008 heavily – still in a rage! That’s when Fred whimsically said, “Now I know why we should never come between a mother bear and her cubs.”

Jacquie chuckled … Fred laughed … and they both burst out laughing which lasted for several minutes. The humor had broken the tension, and helped them to think through the situation in a more relaxed atmosphere. Excellent recovery!

He apologized, she forgave, the baby survived, and Fred & Jacquie are still happily married. Henry Ward Beecher said (paraphrased), “A marriage without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs – it’s jolted by every pebble in the road.”

Doctors and psychiatrists tell us that we should have five good belly-laughs a day. Why?

To start off, Proverbs 17:22 (NCV) tells us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.” Laughter is a strong and powerful force that has positive effects on the body. It improves breathing, lowers blood pressure, strengthens the immune system, relaxes muscles, releases stress, and reduces pain. This God-ordained medicine needs no prescription, is free, and has been available forever. Voltaire said, “The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.” Laughter reduces pain by increasing the body’s natural painkiller: endorphins. In hospitals, doctors use humor therapy after surgeries to enhance the healing process and improve health.

PICT0409Having a sense of humor releases our native creativity and helps us to properly interpret events that happen to us. The way we perceive events determines whether we feel challenged, happy, threatened, puzzled, joyful, etc. Tense situations are where you need to laugh the most. Humor helps us to overlook the aggravating trivia that tend to grow out of proportion and block our vision.

Laughter is contagious and connects us with others; if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more. Instead of complaining about life’s frustrations, try to laugh about them. My father used to say, “If someone’s got to be upset, it doesn’t have to be me.”

And yes: my wife, children, and I laugh a lot.

Our cardiovascular and respiratory systems benefit more from twenty seconds of laughter than from three minutes of exercise on a rowing machine. Through laughter, muscles release tension and neurochemicals are released into the bloodstream, creating the same feelings the long-distance joggers experience as “runner’s high.” Also, ten minutes of laughter helps people sleep more soundly.

Bob Hope said that laughter is an “instant vacation.” Jay Leno said, “You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.” And I remember another comedian saying, “If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.”

Studies reveal that individuals who have a strong sense of humor are less likely to experience burnout and depression; and they will most likely have a more fulfilled life in general – including a long-lasting marriage where they can enjoy their 50th wedding anniversary.

So lighten up. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Rather than focusing on what you want out of life, think about helping lighten someone else’s burden. And laugh with them.

I Took a Short Break

What do you do when you’re tired? You are correct: you take a break; and that’s why you didn’t see my blogs for a week or so.

Carol and I returned from a 10-month trip around the good-ole USA, and enjoyed about 99% of the trip. We had been thinking about a trip like this for over 30 years, and it was time to fulfill the dream.

What about the 1%? Oh, just minor glitches in the plan, but no major disruptions. One of the glitches was when we reached Memphis, Tennessee on the way back home. We showed up at the RV park and they were filled up. When I told them about my reservation, they had deleted it. I couldn’t blame them; because with all the rain, the over-flowing Mississippi, Arkansas, and other rivers, and people fleeing the flooded RV parks, the non-flooded parks needed to make room for them.

Only a minor inconvenience. We found the empty side of a Wal-Mart parking lot right next to an IHOP restaurant and spent most the night.

I said it was a 10-month trip, and that’s correct. But before we started it, we had taken a 5-week trip up to the northeast part of the country. So in the past 14 months, 11 of those months was on the road in a 20-foot pull-behind trailer.

Before we left, one of my friends asked, “You’re going to spend 10 months in a small trailer?”

I responded, “We think of it as spending only 1 day at a time. It’s easier that way.”

We drove 26,267 miles, and traveled through 27 states which included the four corners of the country. When we returned home, another friend asked what it was like being cooped up in a small trailer with my wife for almost a year.

“I wasn’t cooped up with her,” I responded. “It was a joy to be with her every mile of the way. We’ve been married for almost 53 years now and we still enjoy traveling together.”

That’s why I took a break from blogging. But you’ll just have to put up with me again, because I’m home.

Have a great weekend.

Memorial Day – 2019

PICT0051Memorial Day! The very sound of the name resonates with deep feelings within the minds of some Americans. Parades with marching bands and the rippling Red and White stripes with the Blue field of white stars (one of the most famous flags in the history of the world) will be a major event in many towns dotting the landscape of the United States of America.

This Memorial Day, let’s take time to honor our fallen Americans and give thanks to Almighty God for the freedoms we have. Memorial Day is a celebration of freedom!

So I want to honor the one who taught me to honor God, my country, and my fellow man. This memorial is about my late father: Captain Stanford E. Linzey, Jr. Chaplain Corps, USN.

Stanford was born in Houston, Texas on October 13, 1920. Always involved in the community, at age 16 he attained the rank of Eagle Scout and became Assistant Scoutmaster of Troop 13.

He lettered in varsity as he played right guard on the high school football team in Mercedes, Texas. He was also first-chair clarinetist in the band; and with his mother accompanying him, he won the Texas State Championship for instrumental solos in 1936.

Texas A&M and other schools wanted Stan to attend their schools on music scholarships. But at age nine, he heard John Philip Sousa and the United States Marine Band on Sousa’s last tour, and Stan developed a burning desire to be a Navy musician.

Nine years later, passing the music test administered by Chief Musician John Liegl (who had been assistant director under Sousa), Stan was sworn into the Navy on January 11, 1939. Sixteen years later when I was nine years old, John Leigl became my own music instructor, for which I am deeply grateful.

At age nine, Stan had also accepted Jesus into his life and suspected that he might become a preacher. He stayed away from alcohol, but by the time he joined the navy he had begun smoking cigarettes. However, a change was coming: he met a beautiful girl named Verna May Hall who liked the clarinet but didn’t like cigarettes.

Verna lowered the boom: “I won’t marry you if you keep smoking.” So Stan decided to quit. But after a two-week cruise on “The Original Fighting Lady” (the USS Yorktown CV-5), Stan came back smelling like a chimney.

“You said you were going to quit.” Verna challenged.

“I tried, but I couldn’t.” Stan was smoking almost three packs a day.

“Did you pray about it?”

Stan retorted, “No.”

But at Verna’s encouragement, he prayed then and there. The Lord helped Stan; but Stan also exercised his God-given will power, and never touched a cigarette again.

When he gave up smoking, Stan also totally rededicated his life to the Lord, and his shipmates nicknamed him Deacon. In everything he attempted to do from then on, he endeavored to honor God.

During the Battle of Midway, the Yorktown was severely damaged by bombs and torpedoes. Believing the ship would capsize, Captain Buckmaster gave the order to abandon ship. The USS Balch, a small warship called a destroyer, rescued Stan and many others. (The Yorktown sunk two days later.)

Stan recognized a sailor who was a Christian and said, “Let’s get together for a prayer meeting.”

The sailor moaned, “Deacon, I’m the only Christian on board the ship.”

Stan didn’t believe it. He scouted around and found eight other men, each of whom thought he was the only Christian on board. Stan got them together for a praise service on the fantail (stern) of the ship. Eventually, thirty-two men met each night as more sailors accepted Jesus Christ into their lives.

Stan was transferred to the USS Portland – a heavy cruiser with 850 men on board. He ordered Gideon Bibles and started a Bible Study group.

After the war, Stan left the Navy, continued his schooling, and in 1954 reentered the Navy as a Chaplain. He spent another twenty years serving the Lord and his country to the best of his ability. He retired with the rank of Captain.

Dad was not loud or boisterous (if he didn’t need to be), but was boldly dedicated to spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Dad taught me that living to please our Lord was more fun than living to please myself or the world. He said quite often, “I’m only going this way once; I might as well make the most of it.” Applied in a Christian sense, I’ve found that to be true.

Dad taught me the motto attributed to Davey Crockett: Be sure you’re right, then go ahead. Of course, I’ve made mistakes, but I do my best to honor God, Country, and Dad.

Dad passed away in 2010, but I’ll see him again when I get to heaven.

Postmodernism

Have you thought about postmodernism lately? Do you know what it is? Let’s take a look.

One report says, “Postmodernism assumes that ‘truth’ is based on an individual’s ownQuestion Mark personal reality. For this reason, postmodernism is highly skeptical of explanations which claim to be valid for all groups, cultures, traditions, or races, and instead focuses on the relative truths of each person. In the postmodern understanding, interpretation is everything.”

Another report says: “Postmodernism denies the existence of ultimate principles or absolutes, and rejects scientific, philosophical, or religious truth which will explain objective reality.”

But philosopher Richard Tarnas presents the built-in paradox: “Post-modernism cannot on its own principles ultimately justify itself any more than can the various metaphysical overviews against which the post-modern mind has defined itself.”

Therefore, postmodernism is inherently self-conflicting.

Here are three terms with brief explanations:

1)                Pre-modernism: Ruled by authority. The individual is governed by objective reality and tradition; such as a world-view based on Bible consciousness.

2)                Modernism: The humanistic rejection of tradition and authority in favor of reason and science; such as natural or Darwinian evolution. This is based on viewing the autonomous individual as the sole source of personal meaning and truth. There are no absolutes.

3)                Post-modernism: A rejection of the self-determining individual with an emphasis upon the collective experience; such as the dissolution of distinctions, the merging of subject and object, self and other.

Postmodernists reject objective truth – perhaps best exemplified by French philosopher René Descartes’s famous statement: “I think, therefore I am”. My Biblical response to Descartes is: I am, therefore I think.

The postmodernist distorts reality and attempts to destroy the foundation of truth in order to justify his own reality – that means, he is attempting to justify his own lifestyle. For example, we read: “The term ‘justice’ means many different things to the post-modernist, depending on the positions of the members of the discussion. Outside any DSC02812.Bdiscussion of ‘justice’, there is no meaning which we can find. The concept of ‘justice’ exists only as long as we negotiate its meaning between ourselves in our society.” And that makes as much sense as me trying to push around a 300-pound gorilla!

No wonder our judicial system is in a quagmire today. They cannot identify truth. Here are several examples of postmodern confusion. The courts and lawyers do not argue for objective truth. The battle is over who can win the courtroom debate. That is a great loss for the United States of America.

  1. The concept of right and wrong has no foundation or meaning except what the individual decides – and that varies day-by-day. Many of our judges, congressmen and women, and scientists don’t know who or what the human race is. Upon launching a space probe searching for extra-terrestrial life, Carl Sagan said: “When we know who THEY are, we’ll know who WE are.” Evolution tells us that human life is an eventual product of a chance electrical discharge in the carbon-rich primordial soup millions of years ago. But the Bible tells us we are created by God; made in His image.
  2. Although our medical profession endorses pre-natal care, they don’t know or acknowledge when life begins; and some people feel free to murder these humans for whom they prescribe pre-natal care.
  3. Although A) the Bible clearly defines marriage as a union between man and woman, B) it’s obvious that the human race cannot continue without the interaction of man and woman, and C) we have proof that the family with a mother and father provide for the best chance of healthy children, postmodernists deny it all in a futile effort to deny God.

When I asked several postmodernists if it was okay to murder someone, they said, “No! That is wrong!” I asked, “On what basis?” They wouldn’t answer because the answer required a standard of right and wrong – a standard of truth that they rejected.

The world without the Bible is lost in a white-out of deception. They are in a spiritual and intellectual vacuum where truth has been sucked out. They are in a spiritual and mental vertigo without any instruments to tell them which way is up or down, left and right.

But the esteemed apologist, Dr. Ravi Zacharias presented reality when he asked: “How can something that has been current for so long be ‘post’?” He meant, How can the BibleBible and objective truth, which has been our proven standard for life for so long, now be wrong? Without a solid foundation in God and the Bible, life is hopeless, worthless, meaningless. That’s why there are so many suicides, murders, drug usage and overdoses: life is void without faith in a caring, loving God.

But Jesus Christ lived, died, and raised from the dead to offer us eternal life. That is truth you can base your life on. Choose life – and live!

An Important Question

Other than the church condemning me for living with my girlfriend, is there a real 1 - ChurchBible prohibition against it? We are going to be married anyway, so what’s the problem?

Thank you for your openness, and your apparent honesty. Let me start with a story.

A man was notified that he would inherit $200,000 and the money would be in his bank account in six months. However, the man wanted to build a house immediately which would cost $150,000. Since he needed the money now and the money would be his anyway, he wrote a hot check to the builder for the full amount. He was going to get the money eventually, so what’s the problem?

It’s called breaking the law. He attempted to take the money before it was legally his, and he was arrested for it.

Back to marriage. That’s the problem here: experiencing the husband-wife intimacy prior to marriage is taking what is not rightfully yours. When men and women (at any age) indulge in sexual activity outside of marriage, they are stealing what is not theirs. It is breaking the law – GOD’s LAW.

It is also gambling on the shaky future. Supposing the expected marriage doesn’t take place? Thousands of times a year we hear the cry, “We were going to be married; but after all I gave him, he left me.”

Once that boundary (of illicit sexual activity) has been crossed, it is rarely re-established. We have often heard people complain, “But he promised that after we were married he would remain faithful to only me.” However, even if they remain physically true to each other, the underlying doubts of continued fidelity often evolve into open suspicion and conflict. “He did this with me outside marriage, I wonder if he will do this with someone else outside OUR marriage.” And often the infidelity continues.

Those who experience the intense joys of the physical union with someone other than their spouse rarely develop true loyalty or a deep-seated relationship with their spouse. Why? There is often a comparison taking place. Therefore, it is difficult to establish loyalty, faithfulness, love, devotion, and trust after you are married.

This is not only a “church” issue: it’s a physical, psychologica,l and mental issue. And yes, it is definitely a spiritual and Biblical issue.IMG_1799B

Starting with Exodus 20:14 and ending with Revelation 2:22, adultery is mentioned 45 times, fornication 44 times, whoremonger 5 times, and the Bible gives a strong admonition against it.

In the Old Testament, the adulterer was to be put to death. In the New Testament, Jesus didn’t merely condemn the adulterer; He went further: Jesus reminded us that to even look on a woman with the wrong intent was equivalent to adultery. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge as guilty those who take part in sexual sins of any kind – heterosexual, homosexual, pornographic, child molestation, and all the rest.”

The issue goes deeper than lust or co-habiting out of wedlock. It is rooted in the comparison between marriage of man and woman, and mankind worshiping God. God created marriage (Genesis 2:18-25) to be holy, special, one man to one woman. Marriage was to be a human reflection of the relationship between humanity and God, and anyone or anything that corrupts this picture is an abomination or repugnance to God. That’s why the Bible equates adultery with idolatry and pagan worship (Jeremiah 3:8-9).

Remember the nagging question that will linger in the back of the mind: “Nothing prevented him/her from having sex with me before marriage; what will prevent him from doing this with someone else after we get married?” Committing adultery, fornication or whoredom creates a fault in the relationship that is almost impossible to repair.

To honor God and protect each other, wait until you’re married.

One last comment: if you have broken God’s law in this area, God will forgive you if you truly repent, and turn from this sin. God is a gracious and loving Father Who wants you3 - Cake to have a wholesome, happy life. If you truly ask for forgiveness and marry your girlfriend, God can help you to have a strong marriage. But it will take extra effort, extra precaution, a purposed devotion and care for each other to verify your faithfulness.

Don’t live life YOUR way. Do it GOD’S way. You’ll be glad you did.

I Am A What?

It was a warm summer morning in 1985. My wife (Carol) and I were on I-40 heading west. We were on vacation and had been visiting our friends, Jim and Frieda Denton in Tulsa, OK, when we got into another disagreement. It wasn’t a bad one – no hollering, yelling, or throwing things. But it was frustrating for both of us … and amusing for the Dentons.

We were long-time personal friends with the Dentons, attended church together, and had the freedom to say anything we wanted to without worrying about feelings. Therefore, as we were getting ready to leave that morning Frieda gave us a bag of audio tapes and said in her fun-loving, playful drawl, “Here. Take these and listen to ‘em. It might do ya some good.”

New MarriedCarol and I were married on my 20th birthday: August 22, 1966. Carol says, “Marriage is made in Heaven; but it comes in a kit, and you have to put it together here on earth.”  She is correct, and with God’s help we did a lot of “putting together” in our marriage.

Oh, you want to know about the bag that Frieda gave us? It contained some of the building blocks for our happy marriage.

When Oklahoma City was about twenty-five miles behind us, Carol pulled out “Tape #1.” Believe it or not, we finished all five tapes before stopping that night (and heard them several times again during the next five years). There were periods of laughing, periods of discussion, but a LOT of: “So THAT’S why you are that way!” After nineteen years of marriage, we were finally learning to really understand each other. The topic?  Florence Littauer’s teaching on Temperaments. This was a fun-loving study about why we act the way we do.

I asked, “I am a what?!” Carol said, “You are a sanguine-choleric.” Where I was impetuous, fun-loving, and slow to finish a project, at a moment’s notice I could be stern, authoritative, and hard to get along with. Where Carol was easy-going, a good listener, and full of ideas, she could quickly become an unbending critic. These were our major points of contention, and are why Frieda gave us the tapes.

There are several systems of explaining the four temperaments. The (over-simplified) traditional Greek concept is: choleric-leader; melancholy-analytical; sanguine-sociable; phlegmatic-quiet; but there are many variations and combinations. Other researchers (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Keirsey Temperament Sorter, and others) have developed their own systems and use different names; but they all help us to understand why we act the way we do.

Some folk claim that this approach to understanding human nature is pseudo-psychology or part of the occult. Taken to an extreme or studied without an understanding of fallen human nature, I suppose I could agree. But we view life through the lens of Holy Scripture. Here is a brief overview:

Man is born in sin. Jesus came to redeem us. Having accepted Jesus as our Savior, we are to study the Bible and grow in the Character of Jesus Christ. Understanding that we have been forgiven, we now need to break our bad interactional habits and form new ones. This does not happen magically or by accident. It takes time and effort. It takes about 21 days to form a new habit, but about 28 days to break an old habit. But if we mess up in the process, we might just have to start the count over again.

Where was I? Oh yes, learning about temperaments. We have now been married for over 52 years, and we have most the bugs worked out in our marriage. I said MOST bugs; but if you look close enough, I’m sure you can find a few still crawling around. Carol learned that I was not lying when I gave incorrect information at times: I merely forgot some minor details and subconsciously filled in with similar details. (I still doAfter 50 Years that sometimes.) And I learned that Carol was not being a demeaning tyrant who held me over the fires of hell every time I made a mistake. She was merely interested in truth: TOTAL truth.

That summer our understanding and love for each other grew tremendously. We learned to love each other for who we were – not for who we wanted each other to become. And as we both learned to stop pressuring each other, we DID begin to please each more fully. But it’s not over yet: maturing is a life-long process and God will help us if we let Him.

Don’t give up: as you learn about your temperament – not the same as personality – there’s hope for you, too.