Years ago, I read Pastor Chuck Swindoll’s list titled, “10 ways to love.” It reminded me of the sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861) titled, “How Do I love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways.” That poem speaks of the loyalty and attention that is required to fully love others. But I like Chuck’s list because it helps us to know HOW we can manifest our love. Here is Chuck’s list with my brief commentary on each item.
Listen without interrupting (Proverbs 18:13; “Anyone who answers without listening is foolish and confused.”) Interrupting others is our most common fault. Many people are insecure and need the approval of others, so they interrupt to share their own opinions. Others interrupt because they feel that the person speaking doesn’t have much to say. Yet others interrupt because they’ve been taught that kind of interaction at home. But interrupting is rude and unloving.
Speak without accusing (James 1:19a; “Be willing to listen but slow to speak.”) Stephen Covey said in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Therefore, before we accost someone over an issue, we should first find out his rationale. Even if his action was improper, his motivation may have been right. Let’s encourage others, not be judgmental.
Give without sparing (Proverbs 21:26b; “…Good people give without holding back.”) If you’re thinking of giving money, that is okay often needed; but this verse is concerned with giving of yourself. One of our greatest needs is to know that someone cares for us; and a caring listener can be a divine manifestation of God’s love.
Pray without ceasing (Colossians 1:9; “…we have continued praying for you….”) This isn’t praying without stopping; it is praying every day – sometimes several times a day. Prayer is the greatest help we can do for others because the answer comes from God. Freda Bowers in her book “Give Me 40 Days” [of prayer] reminds us that God will take care of our needs as we pray and trust Him.
Answer without arguing (Proverbs 17:1; “A dry crust eaten in peace is better than a great feast with strife.”) Unless you are trying to make enemies, let your verbal interactions reduce friction. Let your words be oil on troubled waters, not gasoline poured on a fire. Don’t let anyone goad you into an argument, either. Instead, allow him room to express himself in a non-threatening atmosphere.
Share without pretending (Ephesians 4:15; “…we will hold the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ….”) In the ancient world, unethical potters filled the cracks in their pottery with wax, colored the wax, then sold the pottery as good-quality ware. Honest potters, selling only high-quality merchandise, printed on the base of their pottery “Sin Cere” – which means “without wax.” Always be sincere (truthful) with others, loving them with the love of Christ.
Enjoy without complaint (Philippians 2:14; “In everything you do, stay away from complaining and arguing.”) “Knock it off! I can’t take it anymore!” That was the response from a friend of mine to the visitor’s unending complaining about the 105 F. heat. I silently agreed with him about the complaining, but his attitude was not appropriate. Let’s be kind to others, while making sure that we are not the complainers.
Trust without wavering (1 Corinthians 13:7; “…love never gives up…and endures through every circumstance.”) This is a hard one: how can we continue to trust someone who has a history of letting us down? Romans 8:28 will help us here. It says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Seeing people and painful situations from God’s perspective will reduce the pain and disappointment.
Forgive without punishing (Colossians 3:13; “…forgiving each other…as the Lord forgave you….”) Chuck Swindoll did not say, “forgive and forget.” Forgetting is not the issue; not holding the sin against the person is the issue. Forgiving reestablishes our love for the person, enhances our maturity, and builds our relationship with God.
Promise without forgetting (Proverbs 13:12; “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but desire fulfilled is a tree of life.) Breaking promises to a child teaches the child to be a skeptic; breaking them to others destroys our reputation. Let’s be living examples of Godly character by keeping our word.
Practice these 10 ways to love, and I am sure you will find other ways.